“What do you think you are doing?”
Scheherazade glared across the chamber at her new husband- with anything but love and admiration in her eyes. He stared back, expression more annoyed than anything, and, after what seemed like a lifetime of not knowing what to do and neither of them talking -this was extremely uncomfortable... they had only just met after all, the Sultan began to stand. Scheherazade didn’t know what her next move should be whatsoever. Her thoughts began to all be the same.
For all that is good, he is going to murder me right here!
For all that is good, he is going to murder me right here!
 |
| The Sultan in his chamber |
Silence.
More silence.
Finally, Scheherazade spoke.
“So is this our first fight?” she said with a smirk, toying with the lace on the sleeve of the wedding gown she had still not changed out of.
“Who do you think you are?” the Sultan bellowed at her, taking a step closer.
Arms flying up to defend her face, Scheherazade shrieked out, “Okay, okay, I know you’re going to kill me in the morning and I was going to see if I could get out of being murdered by distracting you and…”
“What did you just say?” the Sultan interrupted her again.
If we’re going to give this whole “wedding” and “sharing an eternity” concept a chance that has GOT to stop Scheherazade thought, but instead she just continued, “I realize it was not my brightest idea…”
The Sultan’s expression softened and turned to concern. “So say you had distracted me all of tonight. What about tomorrow night?”
Scheherazade frowned, thinking. “Well, I hadn’t gotten that far…”
“Do people really think I have been murdering all of my wives?”
“Well, yes…”
By this point the Sultan was on the floor, his head in his hands. “Why must the town always see me as such a horrible person?”
“Well... you did kill your first wife…”
“Shut up; she deserved it.”
That’s when Scheherazade did shut up; the fact that the man she was now married to was the cold-blooded killer of someone he once loved shot shivers up her spine, but she needed to ignore it. He hadn’t killed her (yet) so she still had a chance. She knelt down next to her husband, realizing this is the closest they had ever been in proximity to one another. “So are you saying that you… didn’t kill the other girls?”
The Sultan looked her in the eye. “No of course not.”
“Then where are they?”
The Sultan sighed and then began:
“So, back when I found out my wife was being disloyal, I was distraught. I had no idea what to do with my life. Did I think killing her would make the pain decrease? Yes. Did it help?” he shook his head. “Not in the least. I went on and got married to another woman. She was very pretty but not the most intelligent. The marriage I knew would be nowhere as satisfying as my first, so I took her to the closet that had once belonged to my true love, let her pick out whatever garments and jewels she fancied until her heart was content. After that, I found her a husband in another land.
This has been happening the past 173 days of my life and it is exhausting. I have met 173 various women, and all of them are now off in different lands with different husbands whom I hope they enjoy.”
Scheherazade didn’t know what to think but she knew what she needed to ask, “when were you going to show me the closet and find me a suitor?”
The Sultan smiled softly. “I’m not going to. I think I want to keep you.”
Bibliography: From the Introduction chapter of Arabian Nights’ Entertainment by Andrew Lang https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=nyp.33433081836409;view=1up;seq=16
Author’s Note: The idea of this story came from the conception of the thought: what if the Sultan Schahriar wasn’t actually killing all of his wives, but instead keeping them hostage in some form or fashion? What if he, then, did not fall for the tricks of Scheherazade, and she ended up there as well? The one thing that stuck me as strange while reading the story itself was that she never considered what would happen if she survived her first night with this new husband of hers. Would she have to constantly repeat the same scheme every night until she eventually ended up dead?
It was intriguing to me to think about what would happen, which is why I decided to write about the wedding night, only with the special twist that the Sultan is smarter than he looks and catches on to his dear wife’s little game.
As for the image, I chose the image of the Sultan because it helps create the visual I want the reader to get of the chamber in which the two sat during this interaction. Since I am working on a project that is a portfolio, I am hoping this is another twisted tale that can go along with my past work.
It was intriguing to me to think about what would happen, which is why I decided to write about the wedding night, only with the special twist that the Sultan is smarter than he looks and catches on to his dear wife’s little game.
As for the image, I chose the image of the Sultan because it helps create the visual I want the reader to get of the chamber in which the two sat during this interaction. Since I am working on a project that is a portfolio, I am hoping this is another twisted tale that can go along with my past work.
Wow when you first started off the story I didn’t see it going the way that it did. I thought that the sultan had already told her he was going to kill her and she knew exactly when it was going to happen. I think you did a great job of changing the ending from keeping them hostage to being in a different land with a new husband. Once you actually got into her head and thoughts is when the story really caught my attention.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what made her think that the king killed all of his wifes, I mean you tell us in the end that he did kill her first and his other wives have gone missing but why did she think that he was going to kill her?
Again you didn’t quite say why she thought he was going to kill her so I was wondering what if there was a back story to the idea of him killing her?
I couldn't imagine getting married to a man I thought was going to kill me and trying to distract him from killing me every single day. She is a lot stronger than I would be, I think. I like how this story had the feeling of the man being a monster to the outside world, but really he's just misunderstood. It definitely made the story intriguing and I was really anxious to see what would happen in the end.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so the beginning of the story had me freaking out there for a second... but this is a really imaginative twist on a story that seemed pretty dark and hopeless! You managed to turn the antagonist from a psycho killer into a (semi) warm-hearted person who just didn't have any direction! Bravo. I really enjoyed this story, and I think you have a real knack for writing this way. Your use of prose and dialogue kept me drawn into the story the whole time!
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your story one thing that stood out to me was the second sentence. Your second sentence seems to be really long. To me this sentence feels a little like a run-on sentence. I am confused by the sentence at the end of the first paragraph. I am guessing that that is what Scheherazade was thinking, but to me that sentence seems to be in a weird place with no explanation of why she thought that? Maybe you could add a little backstory before this thought? Maybe instead of silence, more silence you could say when the room had been filled with silence for a few minutes? Just a way to rephrase that area. To me it is a little confusing jumping from dialog to dialog without prior knowledge of the story. I also feel like the sentence that starts out with That’s when Scheherazade did shut up could be split into multiple sentences. This sentence too seems like it is a run on sentence. Over all I really do enjoy your story and the changes that you have made to it. You are doing a great job and I can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your writing style and the twists you have added. It is a very refreshing take on this story with the wives and the murder. I think you did an excellent job providing a backstory to who he is and about his previous wives, both of the original story and of the new version you have created. The dialogue was excellent. The italicized wording threw me off a bit. Maybe make it it a little more clear in some way that it's her own thoughts by breaking off into its own paragraph?
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteWow, I really liked and enjoyed the edit you made with the murders of the wives. Instead of the husband murdering them after all and keeping them hostage changes the ending completely! Your story is very creative and the dialogue was a great touch. I think adding more dialogue in a story is good for the reader and writer. It helps the writer go into more detail about the situation and aesthetic of it all and it helps the reader take in all angles and details when referring to the overall scene and it's behavior. The only thing that I might add is that you should clarify where the tension is coming from in the first paragraph and help us readers understand what is going on. Other than that, I think you did an excellent job by taking the original story and twisting it into something you have formatted yourself. Great job!
You did a good job in adding more details and adjectives to allow readers to create an image in their minds. I like how you used italics to show that Scheherazade was thinking, but it would have been better if you said “Scheherazade thought.” This would help the reader definitely know that she thought of that sentence.
ReplyDeleteIt was quite interesting how the Sultan gave his previous wives stuff and found her a husband. As a Sultan, he did not need to give the women stuff. He could likely do whatever he wanted, but it was a nice gesture. This showed readers that he really is a nice person, and he is not a person who kills his wives.
I liked the Sultan’s confession. With his backstory about the previous women, his last words were very special. It made me want to know more about what she would say to his words.
Aside from this, I wonder why the Sultan liked Scheherazade out of more than 173 women. He begins with saying what he disliked from his first two wives, but does not exactly say why he likes her more than the others.
Hey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit this was a very interesting story to read, it was both mysterious but also very creative. I did like a lot what you did with the wives, it is very funny how the Sultan just send them away with another man. I wonder how they felt about that. The fact that he changed 173 wives in 173 days was very funny, it shows how unstable this man is and what is even better is how you ended it by saying that he "wants to keep this one". It shows in some way the stunning beauty of Scheherazade. However, I believe that there should be more of a confrontation between her and her husband in order to add more action to the story. Overall, I loved it and everything looks perfect, thanks for sharing and I look forward to read your future portfolio stories.
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI like your version of this story. It was a very nice plot twist from the original. Having him send his wives off to other lands was a smart way to write those 173 other wives out of the context of the story. Though I agree with Ahmed, it would have made the story so much better if you added more conflict between the sultan and Scheherazade. He obviously does not view her as a person in this story so I think it would have been acceptable to play on the stereotype of bad kings and have him toss her about some to demand obedience. Just some ideas.
I really like your word choices! “…His arm on a swivel..” I love that description; it does a great job grabbing my attention. You have great imagery throughout the story. It makes the scene really come to life. I can totally picture her being sarcastic and messing with her dress. I was a little confused when she thought “ concept that has GOT to stop..” because it seemed like there were some words missing or some punctuation. I have never read this story, but I really like your version and will probably read the original out of sheer curiosity. The way you end it makes me want to read more. What happens the next day? How does their marriage pan out? Are they happy? These questions are swarming my brain, which I think was your intentions. You could write a whole string of stories with the way you laid this one out. Overall I think you did a fantastic job of accomplishing what you were going for and I can’t wait to read more of your work!
ReplyDeleteIs the Sultan good? Is the Sultan Bad? You had me constantly going back and forth on whether or not I could trust the sultan and I thought that was a great twist! I think you used just enough dialogue in the story to keep it flowing and to keep the reader interested. It also helped that your main character was super sassy! I liked how her character and the Sultan played off of each other. It was like a battle of wits and it was great! Moving forward I would love to know how things end up! I know that she might be scared for her life, but I honestly see them falling in love. If you wanted to make the story longer you could also consider adding more background in about his previous wives and about how the town hates him. I was a little confused at first why she thought he would kill her! Overall it was a great story and I look forward to reading more!!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah,
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome story. First of all, I love your style. The way you broke up the writing made it so much fun to read. You do an excellent job of alternating dialog with description. I thought it was perfect. The story itself was also a ton of fun to read! It was dark, mysterious and totally engaging—everything I look for in a story! I love the way you played with the characters from the original. I think you made them a lot more interesting and dynamic. You left me with a lot of questions at the beginning and end. I wanted to know more about the sultan's other wives, and I was dying to know what would happen next at the end! You really left us with a cliffhanger. But I don't think that's a negative thing at all. In fact, I think it makes your story more memorable. You did a really great job with this. I think it's an awesome addition to your portfolio, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
First off, I like how you start with dialogue. It jumps into the action right away, and makes the reader eager to know what’s happening. However, it has also left me with some questions. I didn’t read the tales of the Arabian Nights for this class, but I’m familiar with the basic idea. Did she try to distract him by telling a story? If so, why does he react so strongly? Why is that deception? A bit more background into what it is that he’s upset about could help (or at least mention in your author’s note the basic scheme: that she tells stories then makes him wait to hear the end so he won’t kill her).
ReplyDeleteAlso, I like her sassy thoughts when he interrupts her… I’m not sure I caught it the first time through, but now I think it’s funny. It feels like it’s missing something, though. Should it say, “give this . . . concept a try” or something like that?
Nice image choice.
Also, the ending feels a bit abrupt. Is there any way you can incorporate more of her charm or intelligence or anything like that, so that it seems less random when he chooses her? Or make him seem a bit taken by the end?
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you started off the story with dialogue! It makes you feel more involved in the story right away! I also really like how you included Scheherazade's thoughts! It gives the reader an insight into what she is thinking while all this is happening. I never read Arabian Nights so I was a little confused while reading this. According to the Author's Note you wrote about the wedding night which is fine, but maybe in either the Author's Note or in the story you could give kind of a summary about the first part of the story! That way the readers would know, like how they met or the hear the rumors of the Sultan killing all his wives. I think you did a great job writing it, but maybe readers would appreciate a little backstory!
I really enjoyed your story. The dialogue was so perfect, it made your story very easy to visualize. I was a little confused though with how she was distracting him? Maybe you could go more into detail on that. You also left the story as a cliffhanger which I liked. If you wanted to edit this story and continue it, you left yourself at a good place. You could add on to the story on how she changed the ways of Sultan and how he no longer searched for love or "killed" anymore girls. Your story was creative and has a lot of potential. Overall, good job!
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed rereading your story with edits. I like the changes that you have made from the original story. I think it is great that you changed the story to something new. I think that it’s crazy that the sultan sends a bride to a man almost every day. It is a lot better than the sultan killing a girl every day. I wonder what would happen when the sultan runs out of single women? Would he have to find a new hobby? I also wonder what happens to the girls if they leave their husbands? Do they have to stay with the man they were given to forever? Will they ever get their own choice? I mean if I were a girl and was given to a man I wouldn’t appreciate it, but I do understand that this is not our time era either. I enjoyed your story and can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWow! Such a nice twist! I have read the Arabian Nights for my reading, and I wrote my own version of it. Yet, I have never thought that the Sultan did not kill his wife and he married off the woman, who he did not find satisfaction in, to another man. I think your version of Arabian Nights totally change the old perception of the Sultan and Scheherazade. In original version, Scheherazade is an intelligent woman while the Sultan is man blinded from revenge. However, in your version, Scheherazade is a bright but a bit naïve girl while the Sultan is a generous man who was hurt in love. I like how you chose their wedding night as the setting because their encounter is very amusing. I especially love the last conversation between Scheherazade and Sultan. I think it is very cute and sweet. I have only one suggestion: the consistency of formatting in your story. In some part or paragraph, you added a space after each line or paragraph, but you did not do it for the whole story. I suggest you add a space under each paragraph and line of dialogue because it will make the story look better and easier to read. Overall, you did great!
Hannah, as sad as this story was in the middle it was also really sweet. I'm glad that the Sultan hadn't actually been murdering all of his wives. I would have been scared too if I were his new bride. I really liked how you introduced us to the story by jumping right in at the most eventful scene. That grabbed my attention right away and had me hooked for the rest of the story. Good work!
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