Based on the Story of The Curse of Drunkenness by Louis Ginzberg
Satan was struggling… really struggling. Since God had wiped out most of the world’s population with his flood, there was nobody to steal from, nobody to dishonor, nobody to embarrass. The conniving spirit sat in his hellhole, deep in the fiery hollows beneath the earth, depressed and alone.
CLUNK CLUNK
Satan awoke from a long sleep to his lair shaking. Extremely hissed off, he began to scream “WHAT THE ACTUAL…” and then he realized… this disturbance is good. It is a sign life had returned to earth.
Quickly and stealthily, Satan surfaced to the earth to see Noah himself surrounded by a plethora of vines. Grinning to himself, Satan conceived his idea while lurking closer to the oblivious man. He looks tired, Satan thought. Must be from dealing with all of those animals on a freaking ark for so long. Thanks for the invite… oh wait!
“Can I help you?”
Satan jumped and turned around to find that, while he was so deep in thought, Noah had noticed him.
“Me? Me? Oh yes, don’t mind me. I was just observing your beautiful ripening vino producers.”
“Vino?” Noah asked.
Fell right into the trap. Boom.
Acting shocked, Satan stood, putting his hand on Noah’s shoulder while talking to, you know, “create the feeling of security and trust.”
“Are you telling me, kind sir, that you have never sipped the great wine that the grape has to offer?”
Noah shook his head and Satan proceeded. “Oh well, then we must change that! Wine gives you the power of relaxation and focus like you’ve never experienced before in your life!”
Sighing, Noah thought about whether or not to trust this strange individual. After being on the ark for so many sleepless nights and smelly, uncomfortable days, he sure could use some relaxation. “Alright, I’ll try it. How does one make it?”
Satan was content… very content. Not only had Noah fallen for his little game, but thanks to the “extra special ingredient” being thrown into the concoction, Satan was going to get a good laugh and even make a decent profit at Noah’s expense.
During their interaction, Satan had convinced Noah he needed to take some of the grapes down to his “special cellar” to create the great juice. While down there, Satan put some extra special curses on the drink, you know, the type of curses that only work on mortal beings. Since he hadn’t done a curse, or really anything in quite some time, his work was a little uneven and unsteady, but, in the end, he was satisfied with the effort he had put in and the final product. “Noah is in for a little transformation.”
“A toast! To my dear new friend Noah and his fine vines!”
As the two drank and sipped into a relaxing state where they were, you know, feelin’ it, Satan started to worry that his curse wasn’t going to work.
“Have another glass, my dear friend!”
Nothing.
“Friend! Let’s finish the pail!”
Nothing.
Right as Satan was about to stand up to go make more, Noah said something that gave him fuzzy warm feelings right in the heart. “I don’t feel so good.”
Slowly, Noah began to shrink. It was like something one could never imagine… white, thick curls began to grow out of his arms and legs. His head began to shrink and then elongate… Noah’s screams shortly turned into… baas. A lamb?! An innocent little lamb? What the…
Satan was pissed. He grabbed the pail and stuck the lamb’s head into it. “Drink, Noah, drink!”
The lamb began to groan and growl as it grew and changed. The thick white turned golden and thin and the small, feeble body grew strong and broad. Noah was now a lion.
“Hell ya,” Satan yelled his patented term. “Now that’s what I’m talking about!”
Satan grabbed the pail and hopped on Noah’s back. “Come now, let's go into town! I want to show everyone what my lion can do!”
Riding his strong animal into town, Satan felt like king of the earth. Nothing could stop him! Nothing could knock him off this high horse! Nothing…
“Hey, I’m getting kind of thirsty.”
Satan jumped about six feet in the air and landed painfully on a giant rock. “Did you just speak?” he asked the lion that was Noah.
Noah, though, was not listening. He had found the pail that Satan had dropped in his moment of disbelief and was lapping up the remnants that had spilled from it.
“NO DON’T DO…” before Satan could even finish his sentence, the lion began to shrink and his fur began to develop a pink tone. Before too long, a pig was standing in front of him. But that was not all, the pig then, being a pig with pig like tendencies, decided to stick his snout into the pail and lap up the last little puddle inside. The transformation process began again…
“Woo hoo! I feel great! I am alive! How are you? Wow, I have so much ENERGY!”
Satan stared at Noah, furious. His lamb-lion-pig was now a monkey. What a disaster. “What. Were. You. THINKING?!” Satan yelled at him, kicking over the bucket. “You. Just. Ruined. EVERYTHING!” Satan began to charge at the monkey, who was running in circles giggling and apologizing simultaneously. He tripped, fell face first onto the ground and didn’t even have the energy to get back up. Hmm this ground feels warm… I’m just gonna take a little nap…
Satan awoke to his body shaking. Opening his eyes, he saw he was lying in the vineyard with Noah standing over him, staring intently. Luckily, he was human.
“Oh good, you’re alive!” Noah exclaimed. “Wow! Is that what wine is always like?”
“Yes,” Satan said grumpily, realizing exactly how much he had ingested.
“I was so relaxed and then hungry and then energized… but you got mean.”
“Yes,” Satan said again. “I tend to do that.”
"Also," Noah continued, "why are we naked?"
********
Author Bio: My name is Hannah Stephens, and I am a senior at the University of Oklahoma.
I got the idea for this story from the Biblical story of Noah getting drunk in the vineyard. In Louis Ginzberg's version, it is said that before drinking, one turns into a lamb, then moderate, a strong lion, then a pig and then a monkey, so this was my rewriting of that parallel. I did, though, remove the part about Satan slaughtering each of these animals in my rewrite; it seemed a little too graphic to include! I wanted the end to have a twist, which is why I chose for Satan to get so drunk he fell asleep. Was it all a dream? When did his dream begin? When did he fall asleep? All things that will remain unanswered.
I decided to write on this section of the story in particular because I found the metaphors Ginzberg used (comparing the stages of one's drunkness to animals) were highly entertaining and needed to be elaborated on. I picked the picture at the top because I felt as though it was vivid and clear, and it is the view I picture Satan having when he is first trying to spy on Noah. Because I enjoy lighthearted short stories, I decided that my portfolio will be dedicated to that, and this one would be a great item to include. It made me excited to add onto my portfolio in the future and to have the chance to see my writing change and develop as the semester advances on.
Bib: The Legends of the Jews
Link to the original text: click here!
by Louis Ginzberg (1909)
Book 1, Chapter 4
